Scientific Inqueery: Queerness is embodied. My body is my resistance.
When I say that I don’t want my place in society to be male, I don’t mean that I’ve been acculturated to my female socialization and don’t feel comfortable being interacted with in a way that takes me out of a female gender role. When I say that, it’s not a statement of adhering to the part of the gender binary I got assigned to at birth and having that place in gender schema.
What I mean is that hegemonic masculinity makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. I don’t think that either masculinity or femininity are inherently bad or anything, because I think in drawing a distinction between maleness/masculinity and femaleness/femininity, I think we can complicate and expand our understanding of them to break the heteronormative mold that feminism started from. When I refer to hegemonic masculinity, I mean maleness as it functions in society.
I’m not saying I am viscerally uncomfortable with all embodied maleness (meaning men, in particular masculine men), but with maleness there comes power and privilege because society is patriarchal. The way men are socialized and the way maleness is regarded in society makes it much easier for people with male privilege to fall into abusing this power in a multitude of ways, without even realizing it. It happens in this insidious way in that it’s established as how it’s always been, how it’s supposed to be, and is promoted, rewarded, and reinforced in all these subtle ways. All of this means that not abusing male privilege must begin with consciously being aware of it, and actively unlearning it. Male privilege, like white privilege and cis privilege and really all other privileges, are embodied, and cannot just be unlearned just through theory, the body is always already implicated in theory to begin with.
Men are obviously not the only ones who need to unlearn these things though, because in a society that promotes patriarchy, sexism, and misogyny, women have internalized misogyny, and at a deeper level feminine people in general have internalized femmephobia. As a woman who is a feminist, I am always actively working to unlearn internalized misogyny and femmephobia.
Because I was socialized as female, I wasn’t taught sexism the same way boys are. But I will never forget how scary what boys are taught is, as someone who has been on the receiving end of sexism and misogyny. Once the blinders come off, it’s impossible to unsee the mechanisms at work behind patriarchy, in which the gears are sexism, misogyny, and femmephobia, and the lubricant that keeps this system running so smoothly is hegemonic masculinity in all its various forms.
Bodies that were assigned female at birth are not predestined for femininity. It’s not some innate natural thing programmed in by lack of an SRY gene, guaranteed to have manifested at puberty or your model’s defective. I don’t know why we ever thought that a tomboy like me, upon hitting puberty, would suddenly undergo metamorphosis into a beautiful feminine lady, as though with menstruation, someone like me would bleed off the masculinity and gender-nonconformity to take my place as a proper woman in society’s eyes.
But at the same time, I do think that bodies regardless of what they get assigned by birth might have some sort of predisposition (which is not the same as predestination) to some combination of masculinity and femininity, and everyone’s is different at any given point of time because once a person is born they become a member of society and socialization immediately and forever beyond that point becomes a confounding variable, meaning we will NEVER be able to identify what biology “causes” gender identity the way so many misguided and more often than not misintentioned scientists have tried to pinpoint, because the effects of socialization can never be controlled for and stripped away from the body because our experiences are written into our bodies.
I respect and admire the faabulous femmes who boldly assert that their femininity is not a product of nature to be consumed by a greedily expectant society, their femininity is deliberate and it is for them. But at the same time, I take issue with the voluntarism that this implies, which is something I’m deeply troubled by in a lot of queer discourse surrounding gender, at least in queer communities these days. I’m troubled by it because I feel like sometimes this line of thinking downplays the reality of cis privilege. My body cannot perform femininity, even deliberately, the way so many strong femmes out there, of all bodies and assignments, can with such ease.I tried. I tried so damn hard in my childhood to train myself to be feminine, but my body never quite got it right. Society has always tried to beat the gender-nonconformity out of me, my body has always been something to correct. And some things I did learn. God knows I wasn’t impervious to my female socialization, as “How can I help you young man” gets changed into an embarrassed apology upon hearing the feminine, animated, unimposing inflection my voice unconsciously takes on whenever I ask for help. As I am always first to apologize in a conflict, if I haven’t already subordinated myself enough to avoid conflict altogether. Not to say that feminine always is submissive or that either is always bad, but these are some aspects of my performative femininity that I’ve grown conscious of. But there’s so much femininity that society didn’t beat into my body.
I know how to perform femininity because I know what it looks like, so that if I’m afraid of being read ambiguously enough that I’ll get kicked out of the women’s restroom, I can perform a caricature of femininity, strutting into the bathroom a hyperbole, with forced posture, an exaggerated sway in my hips, and a gossipy and animated conversation to nobody on my phone complete with that socal girl cadence and vocal fry as I say into my phone “hey so like, I gotta use the ladies’ room real quick, call you back, yeah?” But it’s an act. That’s me putting on drag so I can pee safely. When I don’t monitor my body and consciously perform femininity, my body relaxes into effortless muscle memory of comfortable masculinity, not pronounced enough to be manly, but enough to be (tom)boyish.I do not trust the discourse in queer theory that seems to want to divorce queerness from bodies, and under the vehemently flailing flag of “gender is a social construct!” saying cishets can be queer and gender-conforming cis people can be genderqueer, because fuck norms. Yes, gender is a social construct. Yes, fuck norms. Nobody feels that more strongly than me. But gender being a social construct does not mean it is real, it in fact means that it is very real, and it is something embodied, it creates us and how we are treated in society, the effects gender has on bodies are very. real. Fucking norms shouldn’t give you a free pass to appropriation with impunity. I don’t believe in a system of identity policing. But I think people should be conscious of whether they might be appropriating, what sorts of privileges they have, who they might be speaking over and disempowering, how much space they’re taking up and from whom. That’s what radical should mean.
Radical should never be an ideology existing separately from the groups that get marginalized, abused, silenced, and erased, one expansive stylish umbrella only letting people under if the coats complement the colors of what shields them from the rain, while those who don’t match the style get washed away in the storm, while those under can be so surrounded by fashion fad activists that the crowd is loud enough and populous enough to down out the sounds and view of the pouring rain as well as the faces and cries of the people still weathering it.
Radical, especially from a place of privilege, should look more like people with umbrellas of any sort noticing how many people are in the rain without an umbrella, and offering them shelter, banding together with others with umbrellas to try to seal the gaps between them to shelter more of the cold shivering people, to create a colony of umbrellas, not colony as in how the white man invades and takes over, but colony as in an organism, like the Man-o-War, comprised of multiple independent specialized individuals working together and organizing to perform complex functions to survive together the point that independent survival is no longer an option because the Hivemind knows that the survival of even the main unit cannot be achieved through the sacrifice of the different specialized units that comprise the whole.
It is not radical to divorce queerness bodies, to skin me and wear my exotic pelt, and say you’ve made queerness understood and accepted, even fashionable, when it is fashionable only as an accessory on your body, while it is still a marker of difference written into my body that makes me a target. Remember my body. My body is the one that is punished for being deviant. The thing to remember is that queerness, including gender, is embodied. It is in bodies, it is on bodies, it is all over bodies. Literally it is my body is what it really means to say gender is performative, and people like me have known this before we even knew the words for it because we never quite got gender “right” and society gave us hell for it. Radical should stand for fighting for every body’s right to not be given hell by society, whether it be for gender, sexuality, race, ability, size, and all the rest of the standards of measuring bodies so that the opportunities they get in life are scattered systematically unevenly across a crowd.
I’ve gotten sidetracked, but when I say that I know better than most people that gender is embodied, I mean that while I identify as a woman, and with womanhood, and all the struggles I’ve faced as a woman of color and the communities and contributions I’ve made and will continue to make, I know also that there are aspects of my body that are not aligned with how I relate to them, but if I were to take steps to change my body so it’s more aligned, I would embody more of what society weighs as masculinity. I would inevitably be recognized as a guy, and I don’t want that for all of the reasons I’ve tried to explain. Even as a masculine woman, I try to be conscious of the way my masculinity might be imposing and disempowering others, especially when I’m around feminine people.
When I sit with others and realize that my body language and positioning takes up too much space on the couch, I readjust and make room. In a group conversation when I feel like I might be talking too much or too loudly and dominating, I make space for others to speak and step back. When I’m walking through a narrow passage way with someone and my body language puts me slightly in front and taking up space, I slow down and step aside to give them room. When I’m cuddling with someone, I always check in along the to make sure they are comfortable and okay with the amount of physical contact. Even though in every human relationship I’ve ever had, I’ve been the emotionally more “feminine” one, always on the abused end of abusive relationships, always the one hurting from an uneven power dynamic, I still consciously try to be aware of myself and question whether my masculinity might be enacting power in some way on the other person.
I am so viscerally uncomfortable with the ease of life that comes with being the lubricant of the gears of misogyny within a machine of patriarchy that white men never stop refurbishing and upgrading to new models, some with finer tools, to destroy and dominate, because my communities that have made me who I am have been the ones on whom this violence is enacted. My struggles are written into my body, and my scars identify me with the communities I find and create to fight this.
My body is a queer non-binary woman of color, try to put my body in a box if you dare, my body is a counterspace, encased with struggles, protecting and nurturing within it the empathy that gives me the power to find solidarity with the struggles of so many other marginalized groups and form coalitions agents of resistance. And I don’t want to give up what I have come to embody.
But it still hurts knowing that something is not aligned and not being able to fix it. But what’s a scab that will never quite heal on a body fortified by scars? I can only hope it coagulates every time it splits open, as I know it will time and time again on a body so actively implicated in acts of resistance.
Models of Gender Representation
Above, there are four diagrams which I have created to depict some of the few ways in which gender might be represented (note: only a few, there are numerous ways in which gender can manifest). Each has there own drawback, for example the standard, although being the way most people view gender, is limiting and marginalizes people who are not strictly male or female (i.e. implication of the gender binary).
I created this for people who are interested in the complexity of gender yet have no starting point or tools in which to enter in on the dialogue (note: not for people who understand that gender in far more complex that any diagram could ever depict).
As a disclaimer, I do understand, yet again, that this does not do gender justice. It takes far more than four diagrams to understand all that gender can encompass. I also realize that when working in the confine two dimensional presentation it is hard to explain the depth of gender (although I hope the triangle in the dynamic model was a good attempt at this).
There were other limitations, how to accurately show how fluidity might work for some people or how agender fits in, the limitations presented in the working space to convey as much data as possible.
I would also like to state that these are just reference tools and cannot possible account for the gender of all individuals. These words are contingent upon the person who uses them and only that person can tell you what their gender identity means to you. None of this is fixed nor is to be used to tell someone what their identity is or isn’t, it is only to help those who are wanting to start learning of gender yet have no frame of mind for it.
Lastly, any critical feedback which can contribute to the dialogue of gender is welcome. I hope you enjoy it.
-Ryan
CALLING ALL LOS ANGELES AREA TRANS*GUYS!
Our dear friend Sara Swaty, who we wrote about recently, is looking for trans*guys to take photos of for her ongoing project of gender identity and presentation. If you haven’t had a chance to look at her stuff or learn more about her, please revisit our last post about her! Her project is called In Between & Outside.
One thing that we really like about Sara is that she has this ability to bring the community together. She photographed a few St. Louis area folks and at her artist’s reception at a local St. Louis gallery during Pride Week 2012, we all came together and shared a really unique experience of seeing each other up on the wall and watching people fill in from the street to look at us, comment on the work, and leave with a better and more full understanding of trans*people.
Now Sara needs you! She’s looking to get in contact with LA area folks who are interested in participating in this project. Take it from us, Sara is an extremely good photographer who is also (obviously) not only accepting and affirming but thinks us beautiful, wonderful, and worthwhile people. Adrian is participating in this project and has said himself that he has never felt more comfortable with some one after spending 5min with them as he has with Sara Swaty, indeed she had him posing shirtless in the first 15 minutes =P.
Find her on Facebook, message her on the project’s tumblr, or email her at saraswatyroger@gmail.com if you’re interested.
Here are some shots of the folks from St. Louis!
Harrison
Eli
Adrian
Shawn
1 month update! few things off my chest (literally) (by rockrazrscssors)
Top Surgery on a non male id person.
Not me though lol.
I am both/and not either/or.
ATTENTION ALL NC GAYS, LESBIANS, TRANS, QUEERS, AND EVERYONE ELSE IN BETWEEN!
On Saturday, October 13th, 2012 there will be a Gay Pride House Party in Pembroke, NC. It’s about 30 minutes south of Fayetteville. There’s going to be tons of glitter, glow sticks, free alcohol, a guest DJ and plenty of gays and lesbians to go around! If you’re interested in going or know someone who would be, here’s the link to the event page: http://www.facebook.com/events/355214901229793/It’s set as a private event so just message me (northcarolinagirlswholikegirls) for my Facebook name and I’ll add you to the invite list. This party’s gonna be crazy huge so come out and party with us!
*REBLOG TO GET THE WORD OUT*
Not Trans Enough
The Artistic Director at the beginning of the the all staff meeting said,
“Well helloooo ladies and gentlemen!”
And there was a mini giggle that went around of like oh tehehe we’re all formal and whatnot, and I kinda inwardly sighed and rolled my eyes but you know, that shit happens all the time. Enough that it doesn’t really bother me, it just sort of note it and move on you know?
But then he said,
“unless there’s anyone who doesn’t fall into those categories. Anybody not fit those? HAHAHAHAH”
Yes. He laughed. Loudly. Thereby negating what he just said that was actually decently gender inclusive.
I hate when people do that. HATE HATE HATE. Because the stupid people in this world would say something like that and think to themselves GO ME I”VE BEEN GENDER INCLUSIVE, but you haven’t. In fact, it’s worse than simply saying your gender-binary-reflective “hello ladies and gentlemen”, it’s actively being GENDER EXCLUSIVE. Because you’ve acknowledged that you understand gender and gender alternativity, but you have laughed about it, have made fun of it, haven’t taken it seriously, and therefore you’re effectively saying “well I guess you could be trans but i’m not going to take that part of you seriously, so you shouldn’t seriously answer this question”
I thought about raising my hand, but I’m just way too new and there were way too many people and I’m not quite trans enough to claim that sometimes I feel like. But it pissed me off. I made a small gesture in my seet, a sigh, rolling my eyes, small hand raise, so that my supervisor would see it (who I came out to yesterday as queer and genderqueer). She snickered a bit, but I don’t think she gets it. My roommate claims to get it, but she didn’t even know what ze/hir were.
I’m just so lost in a sea of people that are WTF about gender, and it’s hard. It’s even harder because sometimes I feel like I’m not trans ENOUGH to ask for gender inclusivity. Like genderqueer is all the WHAT to most people and yet it means I’m female enough ish to feel as if I can’t ….I don’t even know how to phrase it, but as if I can’t ask for special consideration because half my gender aligns with my sex and half isn’t enough. Half male isn’t enough to bother with…or something. If I was a transman, sure, but sometimes I feel like I’m just not trans enough….
Article: “Agender”: Neither Man Nor Woman, But Definitely Fabulous
great article, also happens to feature a certain pink-haired, “Lisa Frank retro chic” person. ;)
Looking for ace blogs to follow
Hey, guys.
I’m not sure what happened, but it seems like in the past few months or so many of the asexual-themed blogs I’ve been following have either been low/no activity or seem to have flat-out disappeared. I know I’m lucky enough to have some fellow aces following (and hopefully some others might stumble through the tags).
Anyway, I’m looking for recommendations for some asexual-themed blogs to follow. I’m looking for educational blogs, q&a blogs, secrets blogs, and positive blogs specifically, so if you have any recommendations, please, throw some into my ask!
I’ll also consider following personal blogs loaded with positive and thoughtful acey content. (I apologise if you recommend a personal blog and I don’t follow back, but personal blogs are not necessarily what I’m looking for.)
If you happen to know of any educational/positive non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid or androgyne blogs, also, feel free to throw that in, too. I’m not following any at all currently, and I’m not sure what I’d be looking for in that area, honestly, either. I would appreciate some recommendations to look out, if only to help me figure out what I’m actually looking for.
Thank you so much for your help and taking the time to read this!
I’m from a “third world country” and to add to that I’m from a very conservative predominantly Muslim country. I’m about to drop a BOMB SHELL on you, bro.
There are gay people. There are genderqueer people. There are trans* people. But they can’t be open about it for the most part because they may even be shunned by their own family. We are all products of our society and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with exploring yourself and your feelings and your identity.
If it’s safe and you can share it why the fuck not? Because if someone has the audacity to put a name to their identity then we can’t deal with poverty or racism?
No shut up.
Also here are some more fun facts:
We have internet!
We have sex!
I had a pet cat!
I was a specialized education teacher! (And I’m a woman! WHAT!)
We had feminism!
We had hardcore and punk and rap shows/Music scene!
Cable TV!
Parks and playgrounds!
Medical care!
Cell phones!
ALL THIS AND MUCH MUCH MORE.
All this and I’m still worried about silly things like racism, sexism and cissexism! And I still think you’re ridiculous and have made absolutely zero points!
I’m sorry you think we’re too primitive to know about gender identity.
” fuckyeahchoice responding to a ridiculous post erasing the possibility of genderqueer people in Somalia (via queermuslims)
Jiz Lee and Stoya,
by Rae Threat for Fleshbot!
I love me some Jiz Lee
Genderqueer Links and Books
gqid:
Genderqueer Links and Books
The following are link and book recommendations, all evaluated myself, as helpful resources that relate to genderqueer and non-binary concepts and identities. If there is a resource you would like to suggest, please use the GQID submit form (select Submit a Link from the drop-down or copy and paste a list into the default text box). See also Marilyn Roxie’s genderqueer tag on Delicious. If you are instead looking for the bibliography for the Genderqueer History and Identities project, click here.
Links:
Genderqueer-friendly Tumblrs
Androgynites Unite, Anything But Binary, Ask a Non-Binary, Break the Binary, LGBTQ Advice, Fat Genderqueers!, Fuck Yeah Androgyny!, Fuck Yeah Bigender!, Fuck Yeah Genderless, Fuck Yeah Gender Studies!, Fuck Yeah, Genderqueers!, Fuck Yeah, Transitioning GQs, the gender bender agenda, The Gender Book, Genderforkr, GenderPanic, Gender Queeries, Genderqueer, The Genderqueer Activist, GenderQueer Confessions, Genderqueer Fashionista, Genderqueer Problems, GQ Moments, KNOW Homo, LGBTQ Connections, Neutrois, Nonbinary, Non-binary Artists, Nonbinary Autistics!, Non Binary Confessions, Non-Binary Folk, Non-Op, no gender rules, nullgrade, Practical Androgyny, Queer Dictionary, Smashing the Binary, spectrumofgenders, STFU Binarists, T.R.A.N.S., Transcending Anatomy, Trans*Opinions, Trans* Transgressions, Trans* Tumblr Directory, transbears, TransFess, TRANSPRIDE, ygender[queer]
GQ-friendly Livejournal Communities
Androgynes, Bigender, Birls, Gender Blur, gender_fluid, Genderqueer, Gender.queer_FTW, Girlfags and Guydykes, Transgender
Websites and FAQs
Androgyny Rarely Asked Questions, Chroanagram, Crossdreamers, Genderfork, Genderology, Genderpedia, Genderqueer in the UK, GenderQueer Revolution, Gender Sphere, The Midwest Trans & Queer Wellness Initiative, Nonbinary.org, Non-Op: Another Option, pipisafoat: FAQ on Genderqueers, Gender Expression, and Gender Variance, Practical Androgyny, Questioning Transphobia, T-Vox, We Happy Trans, World Professional Association for Transgender Health, YGender
Organizations and Events: Click here for a list
Forums and Groups
AVEN: Gender Discussion, Forum GenderQueer (Russian), Last.fm: Genderqueers Group, Laura’s Playground, Scarleteen: Gender Issues, Susan’s Place, TransYada, What is Gender?
Identity Sites
Androgyne Online, Bigender, Bi-Gender the Bisexual Partner, GirlFags, Neutrois.com/Neutrois Outpost, Neutrois Nonsense
Prounouns and Titles
Art of Transliness: Gender Neutral Relational Terms, Freelance Writing: The History of the Indefinite Singular Pronoun, Gender Neutral Pronoun Blog, Gender Queeries: Gender Neutral/Queer Titles, Genderqueer in the UK: Misc, or Mx: A Gender-neutral Title, MIT’s Ally Toolkit: Gender Neutral Pronoun Usage, Warren Wilson: Using Gender-Neutral Language in Academic Writing
Articles: Click here for a list
Fun, Videos, Podcasts, & Performance
Agender Earthworm, Facts About Queers (Humor), Fuck Yeah Non-Binary Seahorse, Genderqueer Chat, Gendercast: Our Transmasculine Genderqueery, Gender Queeries,Kreative Korporation: Yay genderform! (a comprehensive and fun-to-play-with list of gender, sex, orientation, and more identities), Midwest Genderqueer, regender: A Different Kind of Translator, Trans Parrotfish, Trans Parrotfish’s Significant Other
Education
Gender Diversity Project, Gender Spectrum: Resources, Queer Teaching Tips, Safe Schools Coalition, TRANScending Identities: A Bibliography of Resources on Transgender and Intersex Topics, Transgender Student Rights, Trans What?: A Guide Towards Allyship
Sex Ed: Click here for a list
The Trevor Project: “The leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services” to LGBT youth: 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) Also available for matters of less pressing urgency, Dear Trevor is an “online, non-time sensitive Question & Answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.” A directory of previous questions in the category of Transgender/Genderqueer is also available.
Social Media
Fashion and Transitional Gear: Click here for a list
Banner: This Journal is Gay/Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgender, Intersex, Genderqueer, Asexual Positive banner (with flags; without flags). Designed by nethdugan.
Books:
Note: Use Worldcat.org, the world’s largest global library catalog, to see if the book you’re seeking is available at a library near you!
Gender Now Coloring Book - Maya Christina Gonzales
Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us - Kate Bornstein
Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation - Kate Bornstein
Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws - Kate Bornstein
My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely - Kate Bornstein
Books and essays by Ivan Coyote
Grrl Alex: A Personal Journey to a Transgender Identity - Alex Drummond
GenderQueer: Voices From Beyond the Sexual Binary - Joan Nestle, Riki Wilchins, Clare Howell
Nobody Passes: Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity - Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
PoMoSexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality - Carol Queen and Lawrence Schimel
Queer Theory, Gender Theory - Riki Anne Wilchins
Read My Lips: Sexual Subversion and the End of Gender - Riki Anne Wilchins
Trans Bodies, Trans Selves (in-progress) - Laura Erickson-Schroth
whatever.odt (free!) - JD O’Meara
Feeling Wrong in Your Own Body: Understanding What It Means to Be Transgender - Jamie A. Seba
That’s Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation - Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men - Lori B. Girshick and Jamison Green
Transition and Beyond: Observations on Gender Identity - Reid Vanderburgh
(Looking for a list of books concerning gender, sex, and orientation that aren’t genderqueer specific instead? Click here)
Book lists compiled by others:
Bibliography of Books Concerning Androgynes and Androgyny
I’ve updated this yet again on site and used the reblog post format that subtlecluster had put up to share it - keep sharing and suggesting more resources that I should include!
I BELIEVE IN THE RADICAL POSSIBILITIES OF PLEASURE BABE!
WHY ARE YOU NOT MINE
Coming Out As Genderqueer At The Age Of 50
If terms like “genderqueer” and “pansexual” had been a part of the cultural dialogue years ago, Lyla Cicero wonders if more people today would be living more authentically.
(Source: andythenerd)
