Hey anyone here asexual, I think I maybe somewhere on the spectrum and I need a little advice or someone to talk to :)
I am a person in a sexually mixed relationship. He is asexual and sex-phobic, I am not. I’ve decided to start a blog dedicated to working through our issues. Anyone else out there wanna holla at me?
Our understanding of love and romance is changing, and as it does, our understanding of what makes a happy relationship is changing too. People are becoming more open to the idea of alternate forms of romantic relationships, and given good communication and open hearts and minds, people who care about each other can find ways to express that affection in ways that both of them desire.
Second, the happiness of an asexual person is not dependent on sex or on whether or not they’re in a relationship. What makes an asexual person happy is unique to them and them alone. They may be happiest when they’re single, or have a few very close friends, or have a platonic partner. Their happiness might depend on how many house plants they own, or the time they spend reading books, or the work they do at their job.
While the thought that not wanting sex may mean you’ll be alone for the rest of your life may be daunting and often terrifying, it is not true. There is always love and affection to be found in this world, and only you can decide in what form you wish to seek it.
submitted by anonymous:
Looking back on my childhood, I think it should’ve been obvious that I was asexual. Had I myself known about it I think I would’ve identified as such much earlier too. I mean, sure, not every girl is going to be boy crazy. But most girls have had a crush, if not on a boy they know then a celebrity at least. Me? Not so much. This only became an issue or “oddity”, when I was around eleven. I had recently cut my hair very short and had always dressed like a tomboy. My appearance coupled with my lack of interest in boys made those around me make the assumption that I was a lesbian. Because why else would a girl have short hair, only wear boyish clothes, and not chase boys? Obviously she must like girls! ( despite the fact that I never showed any interest in girls either). It was a confusing time for me, it seemed like something was wrong with me. My mom would ask me if I liked any boys, I would say no. When other girls at school would pick on me for having “nobody to love”, I would complain to my mom about it. I just didn’t understand why that was so important, I would say “I’m eleven, why do I have to care about kissing?!” She asked me once “Well, why don’t you just tell them you think a celebrity is hot?”. I went silent. I dug into the deepest regions of my mind, trying to come up with one male celebrity I thought was “hot”. She looked at me “Just think of one celebrity, one”. “I can’t, I don’t think anybody is hot”, she thought I was kidding. She sighed “Just say, whenever you’re asked who you like, ‘Orlando Bloom’!”
I’ve never said that.
Over the years, I would have discussions of boys with my mother. She would ask me again and again “Don’t you like anybody? Boys?… Girls?”. I could honestly tell her “No”. Though, I realized in my late teens that I did find both genders aesthetically attractive. I just didn’t know what to make of it, I tried to come out as bisexual at age fourteen, but that didn’t really work out. My mom sorta drilled me with questions like “Have you kissed other girls/thought of kissing other girls/have any girls you want to kiss!?”. Since “No”, was the answer to each I decided I couldn’t be… Even though the answer would’ve still been “No”, if those questions were about boys. When I was eighteen I discovered an alternate definition of the word “asexual”. I didn’t think much of it at first. Thought it sounded familiar, but didn’t think it fit me. Most descriptions of an asexual person seemed robotic, made them sound like they couldn’t love. A year later I decided to look deeper. I read posts from other asexual people and found myself really identifying with them. When I found out what a biromantic asexual was, I felt like I finally found myself. I saw that there was nothing wrong with me, I didn’t have to prove anything, no judgement. For the first time, in many years, I felt like I really belonged somewhere.
This is a question/simple misunderstanding:
“Hey, I’ve never heard the term asexual applied to people before. What do you guys mean by that?”
This is people being assholes:
“It bothers me that you use the word asexual.”
“I hate that you use the word asexual.”
“I find the fact that you use the word asexual frustrating.”
“Nobody will take you seriously if you use the word asexual.”
“I refuse to understand that you guys use the word asexual in some other way than the definition I learned in biology class.”
Notice the difference?
This isn’t an exclusively-asexual thing. Pretty much everybody who isn’t a heterosexual, cisgendered individual has heard this. Hell, pretty much everybody who isn’t a carbon copy of their surroundings has heard this. Girls with pink hair, guys who wanna try out Satanism, ladies who were born dudes, dudes who like other dudes, girls with nose piercings and guys who don’t eat meat.
No matter what, people who don’t understand your beliefs, interests and personal viewpoint are going to suggest that it’s ‘just a phase’.
Something even scarier is the fact that a lot of outside-the-norm individuals have started saying that about other outside-the-norm individuals. The ‘it’s just a phase’ argument isn’t just coming from the outside anymore, it’s coming from the inside, and that’s definitely gonna create some problems down the road.