“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.”
― Fulton Oursler
…thinking that as I submit n00dz, both on a personal and social level, haha.
Girlfriends of FtMs: Binder Breakdowns
Our first topic is going to be what I have fondly deemed “Binder Breakdowns”.
As the gf of a trans man I have come to realize that there are just some days that the dysphoria hits him much harder than others. When nothing is flat enough, no matter how much one crams,tightens, or changes outfits,…
You’re absolutely correct. For some people, there are days when the binder (or whatever coping mechanism) just doesn’t cut it. This feeling is like when girls find out they’re bloatedafterthey’ve planned their entire outfit for a party and have all of their accessories, except that the bloating has to be surgically removed with a series of approvals from other people and the party is every minute of every day with every single person in the world on the guestlist.
There is nothing you can do but to ask if your partner is alright or needs anything. Try not to be hurt if the response is emotional. He’ll calm down eventually.
The real problem is that the binder is a symbol of taking control of one’s own life as a transman, and when that doesn’t work, all of the residual fear and anxiety that is part of dysphoria is brought to the surface. What you are witnessing is a natural response to feeling as though one’s life can suddenly spiral out of control at any given moment.
Try your best to stay supportive, and let him know that what he’s feeling is alright. He isn’t just worried about how other people see him. More than likely, something that upsets him is a fear that he is disappointing you, his partner, whom he would like to impress and make proud of him. In this moment, do your best to remain calm and open to him. If he is acting out, he is trusting you to witness his discomfort and fear and to not hurt him by reacting negatively. If at all possible, when this happens, offer to stay in that day, give him a day off, or postpone things until he feels better. He may need a minute alone, he may need a hug, he may need to go punch a pillow or something.
In addition, keep in mind that if he is angry, it is with himself.
Give him the chance to openly and freely express his feelings. While it isn’t your job to act as his shrink, knowing that you don’t mind when he gets angry over (or whatever negative emotion he feels) this will help him cope with his own feelings by addressing them directly. With practice, the two of you can learn to deal with this together, which will ultimately lead to fewer of these incidents occurring, because he will learn to cope with them faster and more constructively as time goes on.
It should be noted that if you are attempting to implement this advice, you should talk to your partner about it when the situation does not apply. Try it outside of the home, when the two of you are having a good day, and cordially invite him to a conversation about it. Tell him that you would like to help him, even if that means keeping your distance when this happens. He should be willing to understand that if he would like to be happier in the long run, he needs to learn to cope with the problem instead of shutting down, which is bad for both of you. Do not be surprised if he reacts negatively. It’s a sensitive subject. Remain calm, assure him that you aren’t attacking him, and invite to think about it to be spoken about at a later date.
The issue does need to be dealt with, though, because quite frankly, his dysphoria is his, not yours. Your emotional needs are important too, and it’s very stressful to repeatedly witness someone experience these issues while behaving destructively.
You sound very supportive of your partner, keep up the good work, and good luck in the future.
tl;dr: His feels are legit, but dude come on.
Thanks for all of this. :) this is definitely some really good advice. And really all I can do is keep loving him an supporting him in everything :)
23, ftm, Just over 1 year on T.
BIRTH RIGHTS AND WRONGS: Response to Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival Official Policy
After years of debate, as of April 11th Lisa Vogel has finally drawn definitive lines around inclusion of trans women at MWMF. It is a hard truth to swallow that a person can call themselves a trans ally and support this festival..
Got binders?
we would like to know your recommendation for binders!
- binders best for summer (due to the hotness)
- binders that are most comfortable
- binder brands or deals
- where to buy
- what sizes you recommend
- any other binder related things!
please respond to this!
Trans individuals should be expelled from homes, encourages Muslim leader
In the interview, Syed quoted the sayings of the prophet Muhammad, also called the Hadith, to support his position against the hijra community. ‘Secondly, they are not bad, but the Hadith says that those who are “dirty”, you must get rid of from your home, house and village.
not every vagina is on a woman’s body, but if you are going to stimulate one for someone, this is helpful
E
Love doing this to a woman
(Source: comemierdaaa)
URGENT APPEAL FOR DR CURTIS
As many of you know, London doctor, Dr Curtis, a trans doctor who treats trans people, has been at the centre of a huge NHS-sparked witch hunt against him. They have used my medical documents with my forced consent to twist my words and history of his care of me, whilst continuing to hurt and bar trans people, especially non binary people from life saving treatment.
See what we are saying by following the #transdocfail tag on Twitter- thousands of voices are speaking out and more and forced into silence in order to get meagre treatment, under a barrage of cissexism from doctors.
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT UK GROUP GIRES IS COLLECTING SUPPORT LETTERS. They are coming to the aid of Curtis and need your letters and emails to back up the proof that he is a positive force in the world of UK trans treatment.
Please email them on: info@gires.org.uk for more information and ask for Bernard Reed who is the one orchestrating this.
FTM Slam Poem
Morgan Anthony
discomfort vs Gender dysphoria
face it everyone in the world has some discomfort with some parts of their body, with little things like nose, ears, belly, thighs and etc.
just because you don’t like your boobs sometimes doesnt neccesialry mean you have Gender dysphoria
just because you don’t like how uncomfertable your vagina is when you wear certain things sometimes doesn’t necessarily mean you have Gender dysphoria
just because you hate how your chest looks when wearing certain things doesn’t necessarily mean you have Gender dysphoria
everyone in the goddamn world has something they dont like about their body. whether it be how they look when their hair isn’t the way they wanted, or how they look when puberty starts, or how they don’t like the way hair looks on their legs.
there will always be discomfort with everyone.
Gender dysphoria is not discomfort
dysphoria is a medically recognized mental and emotional condition in which a person experiences intense feelings of depression, discontent, and in some cases indifference to the world around them
discomfort is not dypshoria
again discomfort is NOTGENDER DYSPHORIA
dysphoria /dys·pho·ria/ (-for´e-ah) [Gr.] disquiet; restlessness; malaise.dysphoret´icdysphor´ic
gender dysphoria unhappiness with one’s biological sex or its usual gender role, with the desire for the body and role of the opposite sex.dis·com·fort
n.1. Mental or bodily distress.2. Something that disturbs one’s comfort; an annoyance.tr.v. dis·com·fort·ed, dis·com·fort·ing, dis·com·fortsTo make uncomfortable; distress.
CALLING ALL LOS ANGELES AREA TRANS*GUYS!
Our dear friend Sara Swaty, who we wrote about recently, is looking for trans*guys to take photos of for her ongoing project of gender identity and presentation. If you haven’t had a chance to look at her stuff or learn more about her, please revisit our last post about her! Her project is called In Between & Outside.
One thing that we really like about Sara is that she has this ability to bring the community together. She photographed a few St. Louis area folks and at her artist’s reception at a local St. Louis gallery during Pride Week 2012, we all came together and shared a really unique experience of seeing each other up on the wall and watching people fill in from the street to look at us, comment on the work, and leave with a better and more full understanding of trans*people.
Now Sara needs you! She’s looking to get in contact with LA area folks who are interested in participating in this project. Take it from us, Sara is an extremely good photographer who is also (obviously) not only accepting and affirming but thinks us beautiful, wonderful, and worthwhile people. Adrian is participating in this project and has said himself that he has never felt more comfortable with some one after spending 5min with them as he has with Sara Swaty, indeed she had him posing shirtless in the first 15 minutes =P.
Find her on Facebook, message her on the project’s tumblr, or email her at saraswatyroger@gmail.com if you’re interested.
Here are some shots of the folks from St. Louis!
Harrison
Eli
Adrian
Shawn
Dysphoria
I’m just now starting to associate the word dysphoria with the feelings I’ve had about my body my whole life. Or at least since puberty hit and changed my world. I can remember being in daycare and wanting to run around without my shirt on like the rest of the boys, not understanding why I couldn’t. Then puberty struck, and I became so confused. So full of self-loathing. I hated my body. I still do. My reflection and I have a hate-hate relationship. I hate it, and it hates me. If I could see ME in that reflection, I would see a flat muscular chest and the correct genatalia. I would see someone who has facial hair and long sideburns. Instead, what I see is a constant reminder that something went wrong en utero.
Some days binding helps. It does make me feel better. But I still see the lump on my chest. I still know that I am noticeably female. Binding doesn’t erase my chest. It doesn’t erase the feeling that my insides don’t match my outsides. My t-shirts fit better, but not like they will after I have surgery. For me that’s the ultimate goal. The surgery will free me, as well as testosterone. I really look forward to those days. Days where I can just throw in a t-shirt, without having to yank on a binder that’s going to cut into my skin, and make breathing a bit more difficult. I won’t have to worry if my breasts are coming out the top. The days where I’ll officially be Aaron Ryan, another dude, just like the rest of them.
So this dysphoria, this feeling of some cosmic mix-up, this is my journey. Join me. Feel free to hit me up with questions, or words of support.
Aaron
The Mens Section aka Terrifying for first time buyers.
So basically, life is somewhat coming back on track, I still don’t have a few things perfect but things are getting better. I’ve decided to go back to school and purse my degree in computer things. My partners and I have even found a place to live. Things seem to be going great, but I’m still having a hard time finding a job. Clothes happen to be a big part of this:
I mention this is because through the last few months with transition and such, things have been way better now that I’m out. Although, dysphoria doesn’t just go away overnight. I’ve been having a really hard time with constantly correcting people and not feeling comfortable in my own clothes. I just really need some decent clothing that isn’t too small for me or someone eles. I know money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy me clothes to start this amazing journey you guys have been so supportive and loving of.
Please, if you’re wanting to help, send anything possible to ttaylormaety@gmail.com, or message me for some lovely words of encouragement!
Call for art submissions for Gendered Intelligence Art Auction - please share widely!
For the 2nd year running, Gendered Intelligence is hosting an art auction to raise money for our work improving the lives of young trans people.Our art auction has proved to be a very successful event, last year raising £1500 for Gendered Intelligence trans youth.
Hopefully, with your support, we can make the second year into an even more fantastic fundraising effort that will go towards furthering the GI cause!If you’ve wanted to contribute to Gendered Intelligence but haven’t had the funds or the time to donate, consider donating your artwork for our Art Auction!
We’re looking for anything artists are willing to submit - whether they be canvas paintings, photographic prints, sculptures, jewellery, etc. We encourage a diverse range of artwork - whether you’re a professional artist or you enjoy art as a casual hobby, we want your submissions!
The art auction will run alongside our annual holiday party on 15th December to celebrate all the work we’ve done in 2012.We’re definitely interested in submissions from trans and gender variant artists, but if you’re an ally who’d like to submit to show your support, please do get in touch with us.
Please contact us to get involved! Or, if you’re not an artist, please repost this widely to your artistic friends and communities!
Deadline: November 23rd, 2012. More details below.
Voting While Trans
Transgender people, the majority of whom have never had problems voting in the past, may now lose their right to vote due to dozens of new voter suppression laws. Over 25,000 transgender people could have their voting rights taken away. In response to these dubious new laws, we have released two resources to help transgender people reclaim their voting rights.
Definitely take a look at this website if you’re eligible to vote this upcoming election! It’s extremely important, considering that Romney will literally try to take away our basic human and legal rights. Spread this around as well so your trans* followers can see it.
