“So, what am I?” [submitted by anonymous]
Actually, I don’t feel a desperate need for a label. There’s a whole collection that could apply to me and not one of them nor the whole collection would actually describe me.
For today I’m mostly interested in the label Sissy.
I am not what most people would expect of a sissy. I’m 6’3” and weigh in at about 240 lbs. I am a well paid professional, a father, and a craftsman. I am renovating my house with no professional assistance, including doing all my own plumbing and wiring, and no - this is not your average DIY disaster - I know what I’m doing. I regularly lift beams weighing up to 150 lbs and have on occasion lifted structures weighing in at over 300 lbs. I am - to use the Australian vernacular - built like a brick shit-house. I enjoy bungy-jumping, white water rafting, rock-climbing (My best is an Australian grade 22 lead climb - equivalent to a US 5.11a), bushwalking, caving, snorkelling (With a best free-dive to 60’) and scuba-diving (PADI advanced license - planning to train as a dive medic). I am at home in the australian bush, and have frequently handled snakes and spiders. I have performed a minor operation on myself using a scalpel to cut deep into damaged flesh. All in all, by many measures I would be seen as quite macho. I do try to make sure I am broadly skilled, and I can cook a meal, bandage an injury, change a nappy, talk with some confidence on politics, religion, or most science topics. I have a lot of privilege and am working to understand how it impacts those around me, and how best to grant as much privilege to them as well (I don’t think it’s a zero-sum-game).
I would like to think that in my own way I am reasonably broadly able.
So where does being a sissy come in?
Well that’s the thing - I am a sissy - it’s not part of what I do generally, but its a lot about what I feel. I’m not going to burst into tears if you push me. I learned a long time ago to stand up to bullies.
For me being a sissy is about wishing I could comfortably express a more feminine side. It’s about loving lace and soft fabrics. It is about wishing I could be cute and sexy and innocent and delicate. It is about wishing people instinctively wanted to look after me (rather than to be looked after by me)
Anyone with a basic psych 101 will be seeing all the macho stuff as compensation, and some of it is, but in practice I’ve come to understand that that comes from other sources altogether.
I’m posting this today, because I’ve read some other sissies posts and I want to be clear that what works for them isn’t good for all sissies.
(I am not saying they are wrong to want what they want - that’s them not me)
I don’t want you to cum in my face.
I don’t want you to bend me over the end of the bed and take me till I scream.
I don’t want you to humiliate me.
Most importantly - you DO need my permission to do anything to me - I may be a sissy, but I have the right to your respectful treatment.
Now if you talk with me, explain your desires, and enquire about mine, then we might find a way to play that we’ll both like.
I often wear pretty panties, and I’d be very happy to talk about good places to buy them it larger sizes (or even to show them off to you). I have a lot of cute dresses, and would love to play dress-ups. For the right girl, I’ll bend over the end of the bed and take it till I wet myself. But only after we negotiate like adults about what we each want and how we will play safely.
In other words, while I am always and I expect I will always be a sissy, I am also an adult, with the right to sovereignty over my body, just as I expect you are and have over yours.
My nature grants no-one any rights over me.
These days sissy is a badge I wear with quiet pride. I hope you can wear your chosen labels in the same way.
Robust research findings indicate that when families encourage self-assertion, permit disagreement, and respect others’ views, adolescent identity exploration is greater than in families where individuality is not encouraged. Libby and Thomas Blume, “Toward a Dialectical Model of Family Gender Discourse: Body, Identity, and Sexuality. (via delarealidadd)
Dueling Dualisms, Fausto-Sterling
if you want a link to a pdf of the chapter, message me, its really interesting. i’m reading it for my beyond heterosexuality class.
summary: social norms influence what scientists look for - they place people in “male” and “female” as closely as they can because society says there are two biological boxes - not because these boxes actually scientifically exist.
when doctors choose to label, for instance, a visibly intersex baby, they typically do so by hazarding a guess at which organs it will eventually use to reproduce with. this is also how they label acceptably dyadic babies, though this doesn’t ever follow medical intervention. this reproductive labeling has nothing to do with the baby’s gender, and certainly doesn’t mean that said label implies any inherent gender biologically. doctors use the tools that society gives them - if we shout, “check a box,” they comply.
an easy example of how this manifests in society is how the olympics performs “sex testing” as a way to police gender. this was begun in an attempt to mollify those who feared that women’s participation in sports & competition threatened to turn them into “manly” creatures (its not actually based on “what if men get an unfair advantage,” fyi - the only time thats ever happened was when a male member of nazi youth tried it AND came in 4th behind 3 women anyway). initially they made competitors parade in front of a board of male examiners to visually check for the existence of a vagina and breasts. athletes complained that this was highly degrading, so they switched to chromosome testing in the 60’s.
however… they quickly discovered that sex is simply too complex to categorize medically. there is no either/or. rather, there are shades of difference. labeling someone either male or female at birth is an entirely social decision.
- Designation based on biology
- Socially constructed and expressed
Sex and gender are inconsistent for transgendered individuals
- occasionally individuals have some XY cells and some XX cells
- Biological qualities of each sex
Sexual development is also influenced by hormones
Biology influences how we develop but doesn’t absolutely determine behavior, personality, etc.
Just a little faith in humanity
I just wanted to share this little tidbit with you; It really made my work day better.
There was a sweet child in my work today, maybe 6 or 7 years old. They picked up a marshmallow gun and asked, “what’s this?”
I responded, “I don’t know, what do you think it might be?”
“Aren’t you supposed to know? You’re a trained employee. Anyway, I think it’s a marshmallow gun. You got any marshmallows?”
“No, I don’t think we do.”
There was a pause, and they put down the gun and picked up a bag of Hot Wheels.
“Who are you with?” I asked.
“My mom. She’s around here somewhere.”
“Do you want to go find your mom?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
We then started walked about the store, looking for the child’s mother. There wasn’t much talking going on until they stopped and turned to face me.
“Are you a girl?”
“Yeah, that’s how I identify.”
They looked at me and said, “That’s pretty neat. Don’t ask my mom if I’m a boy or a girl, okay? I was a girl when I was a baby but now I’m a boy. Just don’t ask my mom okay? ‘Cause I’m both and she’s cool with it.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m cool with it too.”
They smiled and we walked to the fitting rooms, where their mother was talking to (I assume) a friend.
I couldn’t help but smile. The fact that the mother was so open with their child and allowed them to be just as open about who they are was such a beautiful thing to experience in my work place.