sexgenderbody

If a Trans* Person Asks You to Use Certain Pronouns

tchy:

Do it. Just fucking do it. It doesn’t matter what we look like, what our mannerisms are like, whether we’re out or not in separare spheres of our life, how long you’ve known us, whether you still think of us as our assigned sex, anything. If you respect us as people, you will use the pronouns we ask you for. If you don’t, we will be forced to conclude that you don’t respect us.

A lot of cis people seem fond of saying that pronouns are “just words” and that if they mess them up repeatedly it shouldn’t be a big deal because they still respect us and it’s just “hard for them to remember.” No. That won’t fly. It may be just a little word to you, but here’s what it means to a trans* person when someone who claims to care for them repeatedly messes up their pronouns with no sign of improvement:

• You don’t care about me enough to ensure my happiness and mental well-being by doing this relatively minor thing I’ve asked for; how can I count on you to do major things, like defend me from an attacker or fight for my medical rights, when I need them?
• You still think of me as my assigned sex and don’t believe what I have to say about my own identity; you don’t respect my ability to self-determine.
• Your freedom to avoid things that inconvenience you is more important to you than my right to be respected and feel safe.

Basically, someone repeatedly messing up our pronouns for months at a time and consistently brushing it off as a “mistake” that we shouldn’t be angry about because it wasn’t an aggressive act of deliberate misgendering—that’s the biggest, clearest sign we’ve got that someone who claims to be in our camp is actually not trustworthy.

Let me repeat that: if you keep making this “little mistake” and brushing it off when we get upset, we will be forced to conclude that deep down, you don’t actually care about our happiness, mental well-being, safety, or self-determination.

It might just be a word to you. But for us, this is a word with some serious weight. And if you truly care about us, you have to take that weight into account and respect it. Because if you don’t, what you’re telling us is that you don’t respect us. It may not sound like that to you, but that’s the subtext we read from it. This is why pronouns matter: it’s not just the literal word, it’s everything that word carries with it.

Pronouns are important. Respect trans* people’s safety. Respect our pronouns.

self-harm is not always self-harm

groups of people do not do things for the same reasons.  neither do individuals.  this is true for all things including acts and words any individual performs on one’s own body.  cuts, burns and scars can - and will mean something to you or me or the person next to one of us on the bus.  those different meanings may or may not be obvious, but they are there.

it is true that sometimes when people cut or scar or burn, it is something that we understand and it may even be a request for help.  but then again, it may be neither - and not even meant for you or me or anyone else to comment on.

people may or may not grant permission to call images of their body as ‘triggering’.  they may not want to know what I think or you think or anyone else.  or, they may share knowledge of their body as a statement of who they are up to this point, or as an artistic expression or as an exploration in how it feels to be known simply for who they are - without any suggestion or label.  just a request to be known.

sometimes, there is beauty in the skin that bleeds, heals and scars.  beauty, tenderness and love are everywhere and I find that when some people are sharing images of their cut, burn, scarred bodies - they are sharing a beauty so unique and so personal that it could exist on no other body.

on cutting…

• not everyone who cuts, is self-harming
• whatever reason they have for cutting, that reason is (or those reasons are) determined by that person and not by someone viewing the cuts
• you may have strong opinions and reactions to cutting and they are exactly that - your strong opinions and reactions.  nothing more and nothing less.
• there is just as likely to be beauty and love in cuts as there is to be any other feelings
• talking to someone about their body - whether the topic is cuts, or weight, or genitals or tattoos or identity is not your right and without given and continued consent, you are violating and assaulting someone by forcing them to talk to you about their body.

vapidfemme asked: You are too kind. If you don't mind, could you give me your opinion on it?

I love that you’re creating these starting points in graphic form.  I don’t see how any model of identity is going to define everyone.  Each person knows their identity and how can any chart ever encompass or hold everyone?  So, any chart that supports an inquiry of people knowing each other in our own terms, seems helpful. 

My own personal experience of gender & sex identities is that they occur in more of a 3-D model than a 2-D.  I think of the identities as being in a galaxy rather than a rainbow.  It seems that way to me because identities can shift over time and not in linear relationships between two points, but rather in shifting proximity to various, multiple and changing expressions of identity.  I also think of the role that motion plays in one’s life and in space as being more than just statements of current measurement of identity but that motion of identity is an element of identity.  However, that’s my opinion.  It’s not true, it’s not real.  It’s just what I think and that opinion is good for really only me.

anyway, that’s my take.  ~arvan

I want to get a masterlist of every single pronoun, including variations on declinations. Add any new pronouns in the same order below.

countonlybluecars:

homosnacktualmafiaqilf:

Nominative - object - possessive determiner - possessive pronoun - reflexive

To explain what I mean, the pronouns are bolded in the order of the above in the following sentences.

Ne goes to the store to get almond milk for him; nir credit card doesn’t go through but the groceries are his responsibility anyways; ne feels like he doesn’t appreciate nir as much as ne appreciates nirself.

she, her, her, hers, herself

he, him, his, his, himself

they, them, their, theirs, themself

ne, nir, nir, nirs, nirself

jey, jem, jem, jem, jeself

cie, cem, cem, ciez, cieself

it, it, its, its, itself

ce, cem, cez, ce’s, ceself

zie, zim, zir, zir, zimself

ve, vir, vis, vis, virself

xe, xem, xer, xer, xemself

zie, zim, zim, zim, zimself

ne, nen, nir, nes, nenself

nin, nim, nims, nims, nimself

thon, thon, thons, thons, thonself

aei, aeir, aer, aer, aezhself

ey, em, eir, eirs, eirself

xa, xa, xa’s, xa’s, xaself

ze, hir, hir, hirs, hirself

zie, hir, hirs, hirs, hirself

ne, nem, nir, nirs, nemself

kie, kir, kir, kirs, kirself

se, ser, ser, sers, serself

se, hir, hir, hirs, hirself

sie, hir, hir, hirs, hirself

Pronouns are fuckin cool

(Source: imnotevilimjustwrittenthatway)