sexgenderbody

efftheatre:

Right. So. In my last post, I discussed how I first came out: I was put on the spot by a guy friend who, based on prior observation, had decided I was a lesbian and, having witnesses me saying something he thought only a lesbian would say, decided to call me out in front of my two new roommates.

I’d like to think that only insensitive assholes put people on the spot like this, but unfortunately I think this sort of thing happens all the goddamn time. I don’t think it should be stigmatized as something only a homophobic bastard would say. It is damaging to assume that only bad people do bad, ignorant, and hurtful things. EVERYONE does bad, ignorant, hurtful things. It’s just not accurate to relegate that to one “type” of person, in the same way that shrugging off the idea of a long-distance boyfriend with a joke should not be considered evidence of lesbianism.

Look, one of the great things about our generation is that we are developing a language in which to discuss different sexualities in a setting of equality. We are beginning to understand that heterosexuality should not be assumed of anyone, and that everyone deserves a clean slate. We are also, slowly, learning that behaviors we have taken to be masculine or feminine can be used in different ways to subvert expectations. I have met heterosexual men who were far more feminine than me. I have met gay men who seemed straight as a pole. You can’t guess these things by observation. It’s just not fair to anyone.

So if you’ve gotten to know a person, and their behavior sends you mixed signals, and you genuinely want to know their sexual orientation, how do you go about asking them?

No, but seriously.

For all the answers to your questions that I’ve decided you are going to ask, click the link!