Trigger Warning: Suicide, Child abuse (physical, sexual and emotional), slut shaming children
I remember when my mothe tried to drown me. I remember when she almost murdered my dad’s girlfriend in front of me. I remember rolling down a hill onto a ground hornets nest and instead of waking up in a hospital, waking up to find a strange grown man’s fingers inside me. I remember being about 9 years old and being strangled by my dad’s girlfriend while she told me I was a slut and my father doesn’t love me. I remember knowing that he would never choose me over her, because I had already told him that I don’t like her and she’s mean to me and he competely ignored it. I remember almost dying so many fucking times it’s hard to really believe myself. I can remember 10 sexual abusers off the top of my head before I ever turned 15, and I’m not really digging that hard because I’m afraid to know the real number.
It’s hard to want to live in a world where all that can happen to one person, especially a relatively privileged white, able-bodied man such as myself. It’s hard to believe that I’m not broken forever. It’s hard to acknowlege any of it as real and not just stirring up drama or blowing things out of proportion. That was my dad’s favorite line when I was a kid, that I’m blowing things out of proportion and making mountains out of molehills. Oh come on, he’d say, it doesn’t hurt all that bad! And then he’d laugh and grab me and pull out his knife and say, I can give you something to REALLY cry about if you want, and when I’d scream and struggle until he let me go he’d just watch and laugh as I ran away and hid from him.
Fuck. I’m so angry that I had my childhood stolen from me like that. I don’t want to live in a world where people like my biological father exist.
To all those people who told me that God never gives us more than we can handle, I say that your God expects too much of children.
Do you live in FL? Are you in high school? Do you have a physical/learning disability?
If you answered yes to all three of those questions fill out an application to this year’s Youth Leadership Forum!
It’s an amazing experience. It’s a 5 day/4 night camp held at Florida State University every July :D
You meet so many people with similar struggles as you and also the same desire to lead and change the world as you.
The camp is completely paid for by the Able Trust Foundation. Food, housing and even travel!
Any questions? Feel free to ask http://valbakuh.tumblr.com/ask or email@example.com
I have been attending this camp since 2009 it’s COMPLETELY changed my life. I’ve met so many new people and I have made some life-long friends.