Ek Chutki Sindoor vs Female Agency
Many things have been said when arguing about whether serials are regressive or not. Pseudo-intellectuals dismiss serials offhand without investing much time in understanding the immersive nature that its grammar and structure allows, while zealots choose to champion their favourite serial as being the paragon of excellence, as long as it focuses on the love story of their preferred jodi. Everything from clichéd content, to desperate plot twists, to out of character moments are questioned, and rightly so. Equally, everything from highlighting social issues, fostering emotional engagement, and building layers of characterisation are praised, and rightly so. But certain alarming traditions have been seeping into the storytelling of our serials that certainly don’t merit praise but surprisingly have not been questioned much either.This article quite accurately depicts the whole trope in Indian dramas about the forced marriage/sudden marriage tracks, wherein the ‘hero’ suddenly takes a chutki of sindoor and swipes it on the long-suffering heroine’s maang - either to humiliate her/teach her a lesson or to save her ‘izzat’.
We’ve seen this countless amounts of times, by different production houses and on different GECs - Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon?, Madhubala Ek Ishq Ek Junoon, Ruk Jaana Nahin, Junoon - Aisi Nafrat Toh Kaisi Ishq, Rab Se Sona Ishq, Pyaar Ka Dard Hai Pyaara Pyaara Meetha Meetha, Laagi Tujhse Lagan - and these are only “recent” examples from the past two years.
Yes, we enjoy the pyaar and takraar that eventually follows, especially if it brings our lead jodi together, but you have to wonder, is it really worth it? After all, the message people sitting on their couches at home are getting is that no matter how much you humiliate a woman, or force her to essentially give up her life because of this one drop of red, she must nibhaana her duties as a wife and daughter in law and go along with the marriage. It doesn’t matter whether you have her consent or not, as soon as you, the man, make that decision, she’s yours and she can not get out of this, especially in the eyes of society.
With the recent developments of media becoming more vigilant on covering rape/sexual assault/gender-based violence cases in India, I just have to wonder, does this trope help that regressive attitude towards women? Because as “cute” it may look onscreen, offscreen, reality takes a much darker and less romantic turn.
I just thought this article was really interesting and offered a lot of great criticisms.
Why are Indian women being attacked on social media? #Vaw #Womenrights
By Divya AryaBBC Hindi, Delhi, May 8,2013
(Source: phallocentric)
How do we know if we are in a conversation about rape prevention?
- If the subject is the rapist, that is rape PREVENTION
- If the subject is people being raped, that is rape PERMISSION
this is the penis of a rapist.
this dude sent his penis picture to a female blogger, threatening to rape her. he lives in Karachi and calls himself ‘lahoriya’.
In a string of messages, he tells a female blogger that she must be a whore, so here is his penis and then begins to lecture her on modesty and when she ignores him, he threatens to rape her.
fuckwit rapists like this are why the world sucks.
In Vietnam, the U.S Military Command made rape ‘socially acceptable’ in fact, it was unwritten, but clear policy. When GIs were encouraged to rape Vietnamese women and girls (and they were sometimes advised to “search” women “with their penises”) a weapon of mass political terrorism was forged. Since the Vietnamese women were distinguished by their heroic contributions to their people’s liberation struggle, the military retaliation specifically suited for them was rape. While women were hardly immune to the violence inflicted on men, they were especially singled out as victims of terrorism by a sexist military force governed by the principle that was exclusively a man’s affair.
“I saw one case where a woman was shot by a sniper, one of our snipers” a GI said.
“When we got up to her she was asking for water. And the lieutenant said to kill her. So he ripped her clothes, they stabbed her in both breasts, they spread her eagle and shoved an E tool (entrenching) up her vagina. And then they took that out and used a tree limb and she was shot”
In the same way that rape was an institutionalized ingredient of aggression carried out against the Vietnamese people, designed to intimidate and terrorize the women, slave owners encouraged the terroristic use of rape to put Black women in their place. If Black women had achieved a sense of their own strength and a strong urge to resist, the violent sexual assaults —so the slaveholders might have reasoned— would remind the women of their essential and inalterable femaleness. In the male supremacist vision of the period, this meant passivity, acquiescence and weakness.
” Women, Race & Class (1981)- Angela Davis (via malditafeminista)(Source: militantbyexistence)
Dating Tip: People in wheelchairs are less likely to run away from you
Dating tip: You’re a creepy, rapist, ableist asshole.
(Source: neurocyte)
Effects and aftermath of sexual assault
The effects and aftermath of rape can include both physical trauma and psychological trauma.
In this post however, I will focus mainly on the psychological trauma that derives from rape.
Gynecological consequences:
- Vaginal and/or anal bleeding
- Hypoactive sexual desire disorder(a sexual dysfunction characterized by lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity)
- Vaginitis
- Vaginismus
- Chronic pelvic pain
- Urinary infection
- Pregnancy
In addition to that, women who suffer sexual abuse(especially if in their early teenage years) are far more likely to contract an STD.
Forced vaginal penetration tendentially leads to cuts and abrasions, which of course facilitate the entry of the virus through the vaginal mucosa.
Psychological response to rape:The most common psychological response to rape is self-blame.
Self-blame can be divided into two categories:
- Behavioural self-blame
- Characterological self-blame
Behavioural self blame occurs when a victim believes he/she should or could have done something differently in order to avoid the assault.
Characterological self blame is characterized by a feeling of being at fault and deserving of what happened to you as a victim because of there being something inherently wrong with your personality and with you as a person which caused you to be attacked.Another psychological response to rape is shame.
Shame as a response to trauma can be much more detrimental to the victim and to society than one would expect. It is strongly linked to anger, violence and self damaging behaviour. Shame has often been found as a strong motivator for revenge.
It can also be found as a psychological mechanism in various disorders, such as depression, eating disorders and substance abuse.Sexual assault can lead to many mental health problems. The following list should account for more or less all the possible outcomes in terms of mental illness.
- PTSD(Post-traumatic stress disorder)
- Substance abuse(use of substances such as drugs and alcohol in order to relieve stress and emotional pain)
- Self Harm
- Stockholm Syndrome(victim’s emotional bonding with the abuser—happens subconsciously and on an involuntary basis)
- Depression
- BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder)—more commonly found in victims of childhood abuse(sexual, physical and emotional abuse)
- Sleep disorders
- Eating disorders
- Body memories
- DID(Dissociative Identity Disorder)—previously referred to as MPD(Multiple Personality Disorder)
A very common outcome of most of these conditions is suicide.
Victims of rape are in fact more likely to commit suicide as a result of an inability to cope with feelings of stress, guilt, shame and mental health problems caused by the sexual assault.
In Ethiopia, 6% of raped schoolgirls reported having attempted suicide.———————————————————————————————————-
Sources:
Here’s the real reason that rape jokes are troubled territory –
Because the rape victims say so.
They get to say that. They get to feel that way. On this, they can set the cultural rules.
It’s not about right or wrong, or logic versus emotion, or arguments of oversensitivity and hypocrisy — you have the free speech to make whatever jokes you want or talk about rape in whatever way you feel is illuminating. But they get to be upset about it. And call you on it. And be hurt by it.
But consider this:
You get to not be a rape victim.
They, however, are not afforded that luxury. Ever again.
That may be the most important consideration of them all.
”Chuck Wendig is my hero (x)
(Source: night-hawks)
TRIGGER WARNING
rape/cutting/vaginismus
Today was supposed to be a wonderful day. I was finally going to sleep with the guy I’ve wanted to be with for months and it was going to be perfect. Everything was going to be absolutely perfect.
NOPE. Vagina would not cooperate. Like, not even a pinky finger would get in without excruciating pain. And all I could think about was how someone I actually really like, someone I legitimately wanted to be with, couldn’t even get a FINGER up there, but some asshole managed to shove his entire fucking cock inside me in spite of me crying and fighting. It isn’t fair. It is not fucking fair that he managed to take away my choice back then and is STILL doing it two years later without even trying.
Joseph handled it really well, and I managed to keep my composure until I left so I guess he just thinks I was nervous. I hadn’t been nervous at all - I had a lot of intimacy issues when I was still with my ex but by the end of our relationship I was able to consistently have sex without any issues. So I figured I was better for good and had absolutely nothing to worry about. Apparently not.
I completely broke down when I got home. I ended up cutting my inner thigh and there’s no way that cut is going to close without stitches, especially with all the walking I do. So tomorrow I have to go to the clinic first thing in the morning instead of going to work.
And now I want nothing to do with Joseph. He did absolutely nothing wrong but I just don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want anyone to touch me. I just want to curl up in bed with my doors locked and hope that no one will ever hurt me again.
**WARNING: Molestation, Victim Blaming, Rape, Child Abuse**
I was 2 when I was molested. Guess what I was doing? Breathing. When I was 12 a family friend (65 if he was a day), tried to convince me I was ready for sex. Lots of inappropriate comments on my body, attempts to kiss me, touching that was not okay etc. Know what I was doing? Breathing in his car every week when he picked me up from the places my dying grandfather couldn’t drive to anymore. I will cut your fucking heart out if you try to fix your mouth to blame a child for being victimized.
I was 7 when it happened the first time. 11 when I was gang raped. 13 when I was raped again. It was never the same person yet they seemed to all have the same mentality. “Say thank you” “You wanted it” “Tell anyone and they won’t believe you”. Fuck you very much. If I ever needed proof for how shitty humans are …
Bullied SI teen who killed self ‘tortured’ by classmates after sex at party
A Tottenville High School student jumped in front of a train after she was bullied for having sex with four football players at the same time during a party after a game this weekend, sources said.
Felicia Garcia, 15, jumped to her death at the Huguenot station moments after a group of classmates, described by witnesses as members of the football team, heaped abuse at her.
As to be expected, there’s a fucking ton of victim blaming in the Felicia Garcia tag.
People who think slut-shaming is non-existent or not a problem:
If it had been a 15 year old boy who slept with 4 older women, do you think he would have been bullied and harassed by his classmates?Why is it different?
love this post. if you’re calling Felicia a “slut” or saying she “deserved this” you disgust me. if you can honestly read something like this
and not feel compassion then you’re lying to yourself.
That’s terrible. Also, lets not even get into the elements of a 15 year old sleeping with 4 older boys of prestige from their status as players. I cannot speak for this child and sadly she can’t for herself either, but almost all incidents where that happens some real coercion and intimidation happens to make it possible. Which is rape. So there is that.
Rest in peace child, I am sorry the world treated you so.This world is a fucked up place. Hopefully we can do some justice to the silence forced upon you. <3
I hope her story can bring awareness to slut shaming, rape and rape apologists.
RIP
A female Men’s Right’s advocate was recently date raped and went Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit for advice. The responses are not for the faint of heart.
MRA assholes are a whole ‘nother category of assholery. Valiant men are always the victims of those wanton Jezebels; it justifies all manner of misogyny to them.
(via thethirdshift)
This could be any guy, it’s awful and terrifying.
(via thenoobyorker)
Basically, it seems like most guys IRL think like this and (many of them) just keep it to themselves until they’re on reddit or 4chan or with other dudebros or whatever. This is scary. This is dangerous. These men are out and about, we meet them in public.
This is why I have TWO (count ‘em) male friends: my amazing boyfriend and one of his friends. No matter how many “I’m not sexist!!!” men I meet, they’ve ALL actually been sexist except those two. Even those two can have some minor misconceptions now and then, but they know to shut their mouths and listen when a woman is talking about being a woman, so we’re all good.
(via porcelain-horse-horselain)
The worst is when you have group of straight, cis men since this pretty much emboldens them to act/speak very badly. They usually can’t stand having me around because I throw off the dynamic of their group, which is really fine by me.
(via noocyte)(Source: buzzfeed)
![No is no! Our bodies are not your property or your thing[s]. Enough! Do not torture my body or my spirit. I will defend myself! I will not be your victim anymore!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8q1l9usqr1rpglqzo1_500.jpg)
No is no! Our bodies are not your property or your thing[s]. Enough! Do not torture my body or my spirit. I will defend myself! I will not be your victim anymore!
(Source: ovariosviolentos)
TW: Coercion is rape
Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that sexual coercion = rape? How could I have been raped…on nearly a daily basis for almost 2 years no less?!
When rape comes into my mind I think of violent and aggressive times of someone forcing themselves onto another. Not my ex telling me, “If you loved me, then you’d have sex with me”, or “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll find another girl that will”.
But it makes so much sense. The entire first time we had sex I cried. He knew but didn’t stop. And once I had sex with him, I felt so disgusting and guilty. Even now I still feel so violated! And I knew from that point forward, I’d never be able to tell him no again.
And when I did, boy did he get pissed off! It wasn’t worth fighting with him, so I just did it. I laid there and was an inactive participant for the most part. I never came on to him because I didn’t want to have sex and that made him more mad. “You never come onto me and that makes me think that you don’t love me.”
God, it was terrible. But it makes sense. The thoughts about it, not wanting to be touched, the nightmares I have, the fear that I feel…all of it. It makes so much sense. Today, after being away from him for almost 3 years I have come to the realization that I was raped. And it scares the holy living hell out of me.
Simply put, we live in a rape culture where as long as the word “no” is not heard and she doesn’t fight back, it isn’t rape. I was under the impression that it was my fault I let him bully me into it and that it was my fault that I didn’t say no.
Brave words, brave realization. Rape is very rarely a stranger in an ally holding you down while you scream “no!” and struggle.
It looks exactly like this. The typical rape victim isn’t immediately sure they were raped. They wonder and worry. The typical person who wasn’t raped never considers the possibility.
So if you’re wondering whether or not you were raped, consider it carefully, because the fact that you’re wondering is likely an indication.
You know, it took me months after I broke up with him to realize that my ex molested me and would have raped me if I hadn’t finally torn his hands off me and burst out of the room. I should have broken up with him then. And you know, I met this guy at an event associated with Slut Walk. He was actually a performer of his own vocal poetry against rape culture, and was wearing drag. So I figured I’d be safe from him, but nope. And now he’s still trying to act like my friend—UGH. I hope I have the strength to punch him the next time I see him in person.
