When you tell women how to “avoid” assault, they are not your only audience. Rapists and wannabe rapists are listening too. When you say “Take self-defense classes!” they hear “Pick the one who didn’t, or drug this one.” When you say “Put up a fight!” they hear “If they don’t put up a fight, no one will blame you. Drug them so they won’t.” When you say “Watch what you drink!” they hear “Get her drunk, or drug her.” When you say “Don’t go down that alley!” they hear “Rape her anywhere else.”
So, thanks for contributing to the rise of date rape drugs. It couldn’t have happened without you.
^Why that sort of “advice” is never said in a vacuum.
I saw these commercials for a beer, Miller Fortune. It’s night time, some cis-het dude is outside a bar and a rugged, gravel voiced man (played by an actor that I genuinely like) basically shames the cis-het dude into getting drunk on beer and going on an adventure that ‘lesser men’ would marvel at.
And they’re slick and they’re pretty and all of that, but at the bottom is the message: “get drunk and affirm your manliness’. In one commercial, the manliness is demonstrated by going back into a bar to pursue a pretty woman. In the other, manliness is exacted by disregarding a stated denial of entry.
So, here then is the consolidated message: “get drunk and ‘be a man’ by chasing women and ignoring when you are told ‘no’.”
And this is the payoff from patriarchy to the common cis-het man: petty tyranny in the form of sexual assault glorified as a rite and a right.
There are billions of poor and middle class and hundreds who control all the wealth. The 85 richest people in the world control as much wealth as the poorest 3.5 billion. And it is probably even worse. They’re not letting us in on that wealth. It’s only getting worse. They have zero intention of letting a single one of us have access to the kind of life where we can gain that kind of wealth or freedom. We are, all of us, revenue generators and that’s it. We breed like rats and earn some money for the sole purpose of spending our money into the pockets of the very few who own everything.
Keeping us in line, is none other than ourselves. We are our own jailers and we are given tiny little rewards for keeping ourselves and our fellow income generators in line. We are taught to think of ourselves as needing to survive by competing with or being threatened by our peers. We are given bribes to participate in keeping ourselves in line, depending upon where we are in the local pecking order.
For the cis-het dude, violence and rape are the rewards of manliness and ‘being a man’ means in being the brute - that keeps everyone so afraid that they find a reason to buy into the system. The act of being drunk and belligerent, ignoring the word ‘no’ is painted in these ads like it’s a cultural right and a noble adventure. We wake up every day of our lives, swimming in this kind of thinking and we not only think it’s normal, we cheer when it is romanticized. We think that keeping ourselves in our own misery, poverty, fear and hatred…is a chance to succeed.
Cis-het men are bribed to keep the system going, bribed with the illusion of status, the illusion of nobility and the illusion of having a choice.
Cis-het men can stop taking the bribe and instead figure out that without the fear they bring to daily social structure, the system that keeps the wealth and health of billions of lives in the hands of less than 100 people, would no longer do so.
So, the question is: are we talking about “if” or “when”?
I saw this ridiculous post that made me pretty angry, so…
False rape accusations are extremely rare! Extremely. I know there are men who have some misogynistic imagery of evil, angry women holding rape as a trump card over them, but it’s not accurate.
Rape cases tend not to result in a conviction (only 9% ever go to trial and only 3% of rapists will ever spend a day in jail [x]) - if you were trying to get revenge on someone through the criminal justice system, this would not be your best shot.
Rape cases they tend to put a victim on trial - and air out all of her or his private information. Despite what people like to pretend, society doesn’t care about rape victims unless they fall under some perfect victim archetype - and most do not.
If someone wanted to get back at you, they probably would not do so by accusing you of rape. At least 54% of rapes are never reported.
People will bring up the percentage of false rape allegations as 8% (or even higher), using the FBI’s statistics. This number is not the percentage of rape allegations that are fabricated, but rather the percentage that are “unfounded”. Unfounded does not mean false. In the largest study thus far, a 2005 study (Kelly et. al), a lower number of 3% was found.
Additionally, jurisdictions that report to the FBI have varying definitions of “unfounded” making the term meaningless. Individuals within the justice system have bias as well. So the 3% number is also likely to be lower, particularly taking into consideration the fact that the majority of rapes are not reported to begin with.
Police officers and courts also tend to dismiss rape allegations as unfounded due to:
- a victim delaying a police report or not undergoing a medical exam
- a victim blaming themself
- a victim’s previous relations with the offender
- a victim’s use of alcohol or drugs by the victim
- no visible proof of injury
Plenty of victims are in a horrible state after being raped - and having their bodily autonomy invaded - and many are not thinking of or willing to submit to a medical exam in such a vulnerable state. We live in a rape culture - part of rape culture is that consent is portrayed as blurry and grey (when it really is not at all), so many victims do blame themselves, initially or forever. Rape is still rape even if your rapist is a friend, coworker, date, or partner. Rape is rape if you’ve consented to something else or consented at an earlier date. You are unable to consent if you are intoxicated. And plenty of rapes do not involve injury. None of those situations makes a rape illegitimate or false, yet it affects statistics. Additionally, victims may recant allegations or testimony due to intimidation or reliance upon their rapist.
Most women will not sling false rape accusations at men for revenge. It’s illogical and impractical, and it’s a heinous crime to fake. Stop pretending that it’s common for women (or anyone) to make this up. If you act like it is, you’re a horrible person and dead wrong.
Once when I was at the pool, two boys (who looked 14) kept telling me to take my swimsuit off and threw things at my boobs and commented on how jiggly they were. I eventually scared them off by glaring at them for 5 minutes straight.
(submitted by anonymous)
THANKS TO ADVOCATES and survivors, national awareness around sexual abuse in detention is growing. Yet the gulf between the reality of life behind bars and public perception of it remains vast. Just Detention International believes that this lack of Understanding is an obstacle to ending the crisis of sexual violence. Throughout April, in honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, JDI will feature dynamic infographics that present the facts - and shatter the myths - about prisoner rape
- HALF of all sexual abuse is perpetrated by staff members
- One in eight youth behind bars is sexually abused
- Women are three times more likely than men to be sexually abused by another inmate
- LGBT inmates and survivors of sexual abuse in the community are the most vulnerable
- Sexual abuse behind bars is preventable
For more information visit www.justdetention.org