Aces With Others - “It’s just a phase!”
This isn’t an exclusively-asexual thing. Pretty much everybody who isn’t a heterosexual, cisgendered individual has heard this. Hell, pretty much everybody who isn’t a carbon copy of their surroundings has heard this. Girls with pink hair, guys who wanna try out Satanism, ladies who were born dudes, dudes who like other dudes, girls with nose piercings and guys who don’t eat meat.
No matter what, people who don’t understand your beliefs, interests and personal viewpoint are going to suggest that it’s ‘just a phase’.
Something even scarier is the fact that a lot of outside-the-norm individuals have started saying that about other outside-the-norm individuals. The ‘it’s just a phase’ argument isn’t just coming from the outside anymore, it’s coming from the inside, and that’s definitely gonna create some problems down the road.
I’m currently working on a paper about deaf sex education and how it differs from regular sex education (which already sucks) and why. Any info you’d like to share?
I am asexual.
But I am married to a man who is not asexual.
And it is not a problem for us.
There can be realionships where another person is an asexual and the another’s not. Sex is not everything in a relationship. My husband has told me that a person doesn’t need to get everything they want. People need to learn to cope with disappointments. And actually, it’s not even disappointing, when you understand the fact that you can’t have it all.
We have a loving relationship. We sleep in the same bed, we kiss and cuddle, we tell each other “I love you” all the time. Our everyday life is really calm and full of love towards each other, the only thing we don’t have in our relationship is sex.
My husband is okay with the fact that he’s got a great relationship and a loving wife, but no sex. He doesn’t go out cheating on me, but I know he pleases himself in the shower sometimes. And that’s okay. That’s completely okay and normal for us. We are like any couple on the outside and what happens between us is something for us to decide.
I used to be really anxious about my asexuality. I tried to force myself into having sex. But my husband saw that I was not as happy as I could be when I was trying to be something I am not and he told me I don’t have to force myself into having sex with him. Nowadays we’re both okay with our relationship.
Only problem we have is that at some point, we want to have a child. And having a biological child means we have to have sex… Well, maybe I can do it once for the sake of having a child with my dear husband.
This is not a text about what others should do, just a text that tells how my life is. I just wanted to talk about my asexuality anonymously here in my blog and now it’s done.